Simulation.

I love playing the Sims. I got Sims 2 back in the day, for a computer that could hardly handle it, and have been a fan ever since. My dad likes to call my love of the game my 'god complex' and my response is always, "but I'm a very benevolent god!". I watch over my sims like a overprotective parent, making even the most rebellious Sim a straight A overachiever.

I like playing Sims because it puts me in control. I never considered myself a control person until I realize that I'm a very control oriented person. I think the fact that I don't notice/don't try is the only reason that friends/classmates/acquaintances don't absolutely abhor working with me. And I always reasoned that since I'm using my omniscient powers to positively impact my digital Sims' lives, it wasn't a bad thing.

Recently I've come to the decision that any changes I want to make in my life need to be made by me. That sounds ridiculous. Who else can made decisions and cause change in your own life than yourself? But the Hodge family firmly believes in the "stumble along" method of life - I stumbled into volleyball in middle school and found myself fairly good at it. I stumbled my way through applying on a whim to a great school and getting in. I stumbled through sleepless nights finishing papers hours before they were due and still getting top grades. We are a family of stumbling idiots, and it's worked out great so far.

But after the first few months of 2016 being the worst few months of my short and otherwise star-filled life, I decided that any changes I want - in job, in mentality, in body image - I'm going to have to decide to actively engage in change.

So I enjoy controlling my Sims because I live vicariously through their picturesque lives, where they don't have to worry about a change in weather or paying off a car or having to actually apply for a job. It's a relief, almost, to spend a few hours hyper controlling the lives of my Sims, while I take a break from trying to barely manage my own.

I wish that there's a Jasmine like entity clicking around on the screen controlling my life. If only it was as easy as signing up for a job on your phone and control+shift+c-ing 50,000 simoleons into my household fund.

However, I'm glad that it doesn't take me an hour to eat a bowl of cereal.